Do I Mention Gifts/My Registry in My Invitation?

No. Nope. No Way. Non. Nein. Niet.

There are some rules of etiquette with which I'm fine playing fast & loose.  Don't want "Mr." "Mrs." "Ms." on the envelope address? OK. While the standard with an unmarried hetero couple is to list the woman first, if the guy in the relationship is a dear friend & she's just an acquaintance, absolutely list him first.

Etiquette is all about making your guests feel comfortable and special. The invitation recipient is so special to you that you want them to share in one of the most important days in your life. Being hit up for money does not make people feel comfortable and special, they feel like they're only being invited for the gift. There are some stores <aaaaaaMacyschoo> that will give you business card inserts to include in your invitation. Bzzzzz, wrong answer, thank you for playing. You just turned your guest into a cash cow.

There are other ways to handle getting the word out.  "Back in the day," the info got out because everyone knew to ask the family or members of the wedding party where the couple was registered or what the couple wanted for gifts.  Still a valid method.

Hello, 21st century and wedding websites!  An AWESOME invention. A clearing house for all your info - Aunt Betty on the East Coast hasn't met your fiance? The wedding website has pictures and "our story."  Aunt Betty's never been here and needs info on hotels in Portland, Orygun? There's a place for that too.  And  nestled amongst your fabulous website pages full of photos and witty stories is one called "Registry."  BAM! There's your info for all the world to see.  If in the cold, cruel light of day it turns out you don't need more wine glasses but cash would be more appreciated, set up a "Honeymoon Fund."

Passive aggressive? Probably, but worlds better than being outright rude. How to get out the website info?  If you have information cards with directions, transportation & hotel info, list your website there. If you don't have information cards you can put in a card that says "Please visit our website for our story!"  

Regarding the day of the wedding - there are lots of cash-gift-cultural-customs and those are perfectly fine and absolutely cool.  At the wedding, make sure you have a basket/box/recepticle for cards because many people will bring cards with cash gifts inside.  In some cultures, that's even the standard. Then there are things like the "Dollar a Dance" where people pay the bride & groom money to dance with them. It's all good!

I got married right before my husband & I were moving out of state, friends gave us cash and we were super grateful but we were thrilled with the presentation -  they made it look like a Publisher's Clearinghouse-type sweepstakes. 

A word about my sweet graphic. It comes from the 1960s Etiquette Record Label from right here in the Pacific Northwest. So darling!

 

 

Comments

[Alesia Zorn]

Thanks for the repost, Emee

[Emee]

So good, totally reblogged!

[Kathi Fogleman]

This is spot on, Alesia, and I know a wedding planner I am sending it to. She has just encountered this phenomenon. In fact, I will send this to all of the wedding planners I know. You have a way with words! Thanks.

[Jan Hurst - letterlady]

is great, Alesia. I was planning to do a post on this very topic - but you've done it so well that I am going to reblog (put a link to your blog from mine.) Hearts!